By Your Sword Did You Live, Shirley! (A Conversation)

What would a Manually Diminiutive Spoiled Rich Kid who thinks everything he ever said was just-so because his Mommy and Daddy made him feel that way,  say to Katy Tur -- on days when Weapons of Destruction were peppered about cities in New Jersey and New York and  Minnesota and San Bernadino and coming soon to a Suburb Near You?

KT: Mr. Trump. We both know that you know how to stop a train from ripping through a Train Station in Hoboken or anywhere, else. Right? And we both know that you don't want to show your hand to the terrorists like the stupid cops in New York and everywhere else but could you give us a picture, by way of a hint?

SRK (pronounced Cirque): Now look, KT. I told you that if you treat me fairly, I'll treat you fairly. We both know that's a trick question. TRY, AGAIN.

KT: How'bout just a sketch?

CRK: Now, KT. Just look carefully ... it'll be here just for a flash.

KT: Thanks. I think I'm getting the hang of this, Mr. Trump. So, what about a Ferry like the Lady of Hoboken coming unhinged like a Sociopath with no breaks coming in to the docks at Hoboken around Twitter Time?

SRK: I thought you were brighter than that, KT, but I did promise to answer all your questions. All ... Your ... Questions. I'm not a politician, y'know. They don't answer questions. Look, carefully, now. I'll only show you, once.

And, anyway, Governor Johnson said he thought that either Vincente Fox bought the Lady of Hoboken and moved it to Tijuana or that Commie, Pete Seeger, had converted it to a sailboat up North where I have two Hotels and a Golf Course ... you know ... a 4 star golf course where even the Black People who love me can play.  The Black People do love me. But I'm willing to play along to satisfy you and your Elite Bosses at the Daily Planet:

KT:  guess I see your point.

SRK: And, Little Katy ... How tall are you. I'm 6'5" and growing at every news conference. I do my Pilates everyday in that claw-footed tub the Foundation bought from the Cialis people. I closed that deal ... and who got it? And who paid for it?  ... Bill Clinton was bidding against me ... he got the bigger one ... the one for fat ..... you-know-whats ... Yeah, yeah! He got the other one.

KT: I'm 5'3" ... y'know I'm just a woman but isn't Bill DiBlasio 6'6"?

SRK: No, no. Little Bill DiB is only 5'8" without his elevator shoes and his elevator shoes -- I have it from 6 different sources -- are a size 8. Yeah! A size 8. And who made his shoes? I did in my 21st Century factory in the Phillipines. I mean those people really need elevator shoes ... yeah! They really do. And did you know? They've been trying to sneak short people in through LAX but I got that covered, too. And you know about Phillipinos and shoes. Remember Imelda! BUT DON'T YOU WORRY, Little Lady!  I GOT IT COVERED! And on that same topic I'm the only man YOU know who can Tweet for more than 4 hours. I can Tweet all night long. Believe me.  I can Tweet all night long. 

KT: (scratching her hair) What .... topic, Mr. T?

SRK: I did tell you I'd answer your questions ... So, Lemme tell you what  happened since New York elected Little Bill DiB whose only 5'7" without those elevator shoes. I know ... I know. He was 5'8" two seconds ago but ... well, you know about shrinkage, right. I learned about it from watching the shows.  Did you know that Kramer is now shorter than Little B DiB?

I'll tell ya what. You can believe me. I tell you: you can believe me. This will nevah happen when I'm President!  Nevah happen.  Nevah! Y'didn't see any ground attacks under Rudy's Rule, either, did'ya? Rudy's taller than he looks ... errr ... but while we're talking ... no prettier. See those teeth? I mean: do all people named Giuliani have bad teeth. Y'think it's the water. I got the water.

Sorry. What were you asking? It had something to do with how big I am, right?

KT: I ... I ... I don't remember. I think he had to do with the price of Toilet Paper at Lago More! I seem to be having a hard time ... suddenly ... remembering what we were talking about.

SRK: Doesn't matter. Just calm down. I can tell you're getting nervous. It'll be OK ... I know how to make it better! Now, Let Me Talk!  You've talked enough. Imagine, New Yawk, next time under Da Rule of dem Dems. Get'it? Hillary has stripped the Second Amendment and taken away your guns and every other ... every other ... I mean every other way you have of protecting yourself from the invading journalistic hordes from the Times ... from the Bronx ... and from the Rad Journalistic Terrorists like Joy Reid and Rachel MadCow and Gwynn Whatever who I heard may have been involved in the New Yawk bombing and may've been  dancin' in Joisey City. She is Muslim, isn't she? I heard that. Did you hear that Carnegie Deli is closing. Maybe you should invest in KFC. Hear the Jews are gonna be movin' over to Finger Lickin' Good! 

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Then, it was time for a press conference. They tried to keep Dan Rather out but Katy on Tur got him in saying he was Grandpa Smurf writing for the Smurf Page in the Minnesota Free Press that just, in desperation,  endorsed Forrest Gump for President, citing his military experience. 

Katy, then and on-the-sly (the Fox, she is!), gave her two remaining questions to Mr. Rather. Mr. Rather was carrying the Meme that has gone viral that says that women are not measured on the same scales as men. When shown Dan Rather's sign, Herr Drumpfenkopf was heard tittering with his trademark pursed lips:

I'm Back! (see picture, below)

Mr. Rather carrying his sign reporter-ly responded: 

By Your Sword Did You Live, Shirley! 

And swords shall ye manufacture, yet!

(oh, that Dan Rather!)