(Disclaimer: Jest jesting, Komrades ... jest a leetle sarcasm)
TRUMP NEWS
I. Luvuov (New York): Coloring Kellyanne has once again triumphed in her report on Mr. Trump's thrashing of Crooked Hillary. When Katy on Tour asked her about the buzz that Mr. Trump had his pants shortened by Secretary Clinton, Ms. Conway explained:
"My Dear Katy ... There can be no doubt that Mr. Trump can hold his water for the full 90 minutes. He demonstrated that, last night, in front of the largest audience that has ever watched a man hold that much water. You do remember -- as all America does -- that Secretary Clinton couldn't get back to the Primary Stage on time from her Potty-Break. How could she possibly hold it in long enough to lead the Joint Chiefs. Mr. Trump is expected to issue a commemorative bottle of Trump Water on the day of his ascendancy ... err ... innauguration. This bottling will be available for only two days and will cost $39.99 for two liters (enough to get Godzilla to pee) and Mr. Trump will waive the Sales Tax as his first Presidential Order."
"My Dear Katy ... There can be no doubt that Mr. Trump can hold his water for the full 90 minutes. He demonstrated that, last night, in front of the largest audience that has ever watched a man hold that much water. You do remember -- as all America does -- that Secretary Clinton couldn't get back to the Primary Stage on time from her Potty-Break. How could she possibly hold it in long enough to lead the Joint Chiefs. Mr. Trump is expected to issue a commemorative bottle of Trump Water on the day of his ascendancy ... err ... innauguration. This bottling will be available for only two days and will cost $39.99 for two liters (enough to get Godzilla to pee) and Mr. Trump will waive the Sales Tax as his first Presidential Order."
When Ms. LaTour quietly asked a second question about the scene caught on film at the cars wondering if Mr. Trump's wringing of his hands had anything to do with choosing a restaurant for the afterparty that had a bathroom and that was less than two minutes away (this had been reported by a lip reader on CNN), Cunning Conway responded with her favorite:
"You'll have to ask Mr. Trump about that. But I do personally think ... that I may well have heard ... that Mark Cuban said something ... about his wishing that Madame Secretary could've demonstrated that same capacity to hold her drink if she's really serious about ascending to the throne."
"You'll have to ask Mr. Trump about that. But I do personally think ... that I may well have heard ... that Mark Cuban said something ... about his wishing that Madame Secretary could've demonstrated that same capacity to hold her drink if she's really serious about ascending to the throne."
NEW YORK TIMES
Igor Glovesoff (New York): While Mrs. Clinton apprised herself well in last night's debate, controversy arose concerning her reserved demeanor. Bad-Ass Bannon wanted to know what it would be like to have a President who couldn't effectively tell off Vlad the Impaler in coito, that is, as he was screwing the USA's digital infrastructure in his typical thugly fashion. "Go, Vlad!" As BA Bannon continued, he carefully chose his words with this Times reporter.
"Mrs. Clinton had her chance and just like with First-Strike Nukes, if a President can't get it out quickly, the American people are gonna be toast. I mean it; she had her chance on the Tax issue. When Mr. Trump did a Rook-to-Queen-7 and declared Checkmate with "When my audit is complete and you show me yours (30,000 emails), I'll show you mine (my Big Fat ... errr .. Tax Returns), Mr. Putin woulda in strength and not from behind (Mr. P. never does it from behind) responded: Vell, Komrade Hills .... y'should sed ... Vhen you show us your BF Tax Returns, da Kremlin vould let you run for Prezident of Politburo. Vhat ist she? still a yokel from the Buro of Scranton, PA vhich I vill take over as soon as Krimea settles down?"
In the Meantime, the New York Post concluded that the Nation was equally divided between those who believe the Scoring of the Thrilla from Hofstra was best scored by the Trump News and its focus on Holding-It-In or by The New York Times that focused on whether Mrs. Clinton could Get-It-Out. Indeed, 97 Million people were waiting for the report from the authoritative also-Russian staff at the:
NEW YORK POST
Anon E. Maus (New York): While the Post Editorial Staff is aware of the pressing need for clarity from last night's debate in the neck-and-neck battle of the Titans, it has concluded from reliable sources that the election hinges on the controversy about Melania the Beautiful. Our staff was first to break the news that Melania would be the healthiest looking (well, each of you knows what we mean by "looking" ... "It's a question of stamina") First Lady in the History of Our Democracy. We know that Abigail Adams and Bess Truman, that Barbara Bush and even Michelle Obama were all lacking in the transparency that the American Public demands from the dudes and dudettes among the Washington Elite who have so thoroughly embarrassed our Country. One of the staffers who only eats the biblically mandated quadripedals with cloven hooves, who also chew their cuds (the one who Chaiffetz was heard maybe saying: He could be a Muslim!), pointed out that all these First Ladies were like pigs who put their cloven feet out for inspection but kept their mouths shut so you wouldn't know they didn't chew their cuds ... or give you the idea that they could chew on anything else.
In the meantime, there was some question as to whether it was Carville or Cuban, Castro or the Secret Service, or maybe someone from The Hawaii Ledger who gave Milania the code-name HRT ... The investigative reporters at the Post have yet been unsuccessful in determining what three letter phrase HRT abbreviated. Hallie Jackson who won a spelling bee in her senior year of High School in 2008 ruled out Hormone Replacement Therapy as unlikely and was heard opining: "Spelling matters!" We heard somewhere reliable that it has something to do with Mr. Trump getting over his long young adult years at Studio 54. We're still workin' on that one, Folks.Get back to you before we see Mr. Trump's Taxes.
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OK, OK ... I'm being silly. But putting Secretary Clinton on stage with a 70 year old who is somehow going to become informed about how to run a Country in a moment-in-time when the World is at or near the abyss, as if he were General Contractor on a tall building in Dubai is pure lunacy.
Speaking from experience, like Hillary Clinton, I know what I know ... She wasn't my first choice but this is no time to be picky. Dammit. She knows her stuff. Hiring Anna to return from Siam for a 70 year old Little Rich Kid Prince (or Old Man Me, for that matter) who at this age demonstrably knows little but who has come to believe that he knows more about everything than anyone and that whatever comes out of him is Golden and beyond criticism ... Oy and
In the Meantime, the New York Post concluded that the Nation was equally divided between those who believe the Scoring of the Thrilla from Hofstra was best scored by the Trump News and its focus on Holding-It-In or by The New York Times that focused on whether Mrs. Clinton could Get-It-Out. Indeed, 97 Million people were waiting for the report from the authoritative also-Russian staff at the:
NEW YORK POST
Anon E. Maus (New York): While the Post Editorial Staff is aware of the pressing need for clarity from last night's debate in the neck-and-neck battle of the Titans, it has concluded from reliable sources that the election hinges on the controversy about Melania the Beautiful. Our staff was first to break the news that Melania would be the healthiest looking (well, each of you knows what we mean by "looking" ... "It's a question of stamina") First Lady in the History of Our Democracy. We know that Abigail Adams and Bess Truman, that Barbara Bush and even Michelle Obama were all lacking in the transparency that the American Public demands from the dudes and dudettes among the Washington Elite who have so thoroughly embarrassed our Country. One of the staffers who only eats the biblically mandated quadripedals with cloven hooves, who also chew their cuds (the one who Chaiffetz was heard maybe saying: He could be a Muslim!), pointed out that all these First Ladies were like pigs who put their cloven feet out for inspection but kept their mouths shut so you wouldn't know they didn't chew their cuds ... or give you the idea that they could chew on anything else.
In the meantime, there was some question as to whether it was Carville or Cuban, Castro or the Secret Service, or maybe someone from The Hawaii Ledger who gave Milania the code-name HRT ... The investigative reporters at the Post have yet been unsuccessful in determining what three letter phrase HRT abbreviated. Hallie Jackson who won a spelling bee in her senior year of High School in 2008 ruled out Hormone Replacement Therapy as unlikely and was heard opining: "Spelling matters!" We heard somewhere reliable that it has something to do with Mr. Trump getting over his long young adult years at Studio 54. We're still workin' on that one, Folks.Get back to you before we see Mr. Trump's Taxes.
*******************************************************************************
OK, OK ... I'm being silly. But putting Secretary Clinton on stage with a 70 year old who is somehow going to become informed about how to run a Country in a moment-in-time when the World is at or near the abyss, as if he were General Contractor on a tall building in Dubai is pure lunacy.
Speaking from experience, like Hillary Clinton, I know what I know ... She wasn't my first choice but this is no time to be picky. Dammit. She knows her stuff. Hiring Anna to return from Siam for a 70 year old Little Rich Kid Prince (or Old Man Me, for that matter) who at this age demonstrably knows little but who has come to believe that he knows more about everything than anyone and that whatever comes out of him is Golden and beyond criticism ... Oy and
Hey! Gather ye Lemmings and March On!!!
Someone claimed that Drumpf surrogate, Kristie Kreme was heard saying: "The galling bitch had the nerve to prepare for 40 years for a job? Can'ya'imagine?"
Someone claimed that Drumpf surrogate, Kristie Kreme was heard saying: "The galling bitch had the nerve to prepare for 40 years for a job? Can'ya'imagine?"
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| Chilling, isn't it ... |
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